Andrew 12x16 Acrylic I used to just LOVE Christmas! I loved everything about it, I started to play Christmas music in July! I could not wait to buy things for those I loved. Now, I'm not so sure how I feel about it. I was so depressed this Christmas, I suppose it is due to all the things that have happened in the last few years that I associate with Christmas time, two years ago it was my sons brain tumor, radiation therapy, and my father-in-laws death during Christmas dinner. Last year it was another major surgery on my sons head in December. This year it was the very worrisome results of my sons MRI on Dec. 19th.
This year my husband asked me if we could do Christmas dinner at our house instead of his mom's home. Two years ago I swore I would never do Christmas dinner again, not that I ever enjoyed doing it, It always makes Christmas so much more stressful, I'd be just as happy having peanut butter sandwiches and enjoying the time with my kids. I told him I didn't want to do it but, if it meant a lot to him (and I know it does) then I would do it, kind of my Christmas gift to him. I knew it was going to be hard but, I didn't know how hard it was going to be.
The weirdest thing happened to me, I am not the type of person who is prone to hysterics, I deplore drama, and I am not a terribly emotional person but when my guests started showing up I started crying. I'm still not sure why, perhaps lack of sleep, or embarrassment at my messy house, you know with 4 boys opening gifts and playing with toys all day, or the memories of the past few Christmases or the stress or all of it. I went and hid in my bedroom and sobbed uncontrollably for what seems like an hour, I just could not get control of myself. It was then that I realized I HATE CHRISTMAS! not because of Christmas but all the stress and terrible memories it brings. When I returned I hope no one noticed my red swollen eyes or my absence I hope they don't think I was rude for being disappearing for so long. I never explained, I just didn't know what to say.
2 comments:
Oh Mel, I am sorry that you had such a difficult Christmas dinner. I hope that we didn't add more stress to this difficult time of year when we ended up crashing (and puking) at your house. Love you!
Christmas is a stress for me too. I love the reason for the holiday but not all the hoop-a-la that goes with it. Your guests were probably just glad it was at your house and not theirs. Next year tell Marty you will be happy for him to host the dinner and then check yourself into a motel and let him and the boys enjoy all the responsibility. Oh don't tell them where you are and use a assumed name.
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