Thursday, January 31, 2008

I will not be defined by a brain tumor.

Butterfly 2.5"x3.5" mini watercolor

Jimmy had his first day of going to "normal" school for math. He still goes to the school for the blind for everything else. He went to a first grade class with all the "normal" first grade kids at the "normal" school. He came home today and told me about it. He said they passed braille cards out to all the kids and the teacher asked him to tell about himself. He told about how he has a brain tumor and now he can't see out of one eye. (his vision is actually a lot worse than that, but he is convinced that he sees just fine out of his "good eye"). It really makes me angry that my six year old has to define his life as "I have a brain tumor". It makes me angry that I define so much of my life as "I have a son with a brain tumor". I must think of it at least 1,000 times a day. The fear is always there in the pit of my stomach, the pain of thinking that the tumor might be growing right now and there is nothing I can do about it. I hate looking a his poor scarred half-bald little head it always reminds me that he is not a "normal" kid. I am not going to let this tumor define me, or him anymore.

We are going to "Hair Club for Kids" to get him a hairpiece so he will not look so much like a brain tumor kid. I will treat him like a normal kid and I will try to think less about his brain tumor, at least until his next Dr. appointment.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are incredibly talented and seem to sell your self short when talking to other people. Maybe your house is not spotless or muddled. That is a result that you are always taking care of your childrens needs. You are an unselfish Mother and they will probably not remember if the house was straight but that you were there.

It is so hard what you are going through with Jimmy. It is good that you are not going to let his problem define you. Easier said that done.

Keep up your great talent as an artist and wife.

Love Mom Gl

Anonymous said...

I found you from Wendy - whom I love and consider a friend.

You are all so courageous. Having three kids myself, I can't even begin to imagine what you're all going through. Know you're in our prayers, our thoughts and close to our hearts - even though we've not met.